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Everyone has experienced the loss of a friend, family member, or someone they love dearly. To experience the loss of someone who’s still alive is a whole different experience of loss. Many don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love so much who is still alive and you are not able to even send them a I love you.

This month my sister Winter is turning 19! She means so much to me and I miss her every day. When I was put into foster care my adoptive parents were able to keep the only link to my birth family, my sister Winter. Every year since I turned 18 I’ve sent emails wishing her happy birthday but no response. There are days I wonder what did I wrong or does she even think about me.

All siblings fight and say the meanest things to each other. I’m sure we’ve all said something that at that moment we thought we meant but in the end, it haunts you until the end of time. The last time I saw my sister I was inpatient at a residential. I saw her right before I turned 15 years old and we got into a stupid fight over something dumb. Every day since then I’ve regretted it. You never know when you will see someone for that last time.

To lose her was like losing part of me forever. That part of me that slowly died has never come back and every day I want it back. But the pain is so much, that I don’t know when I’ll get that part of me back, the part who’d do anything to save her.

People think that when a kid is taken from someone’s care, all kids are taken. But that’s just not true. Every kid in foster care is in care for different traumas that they endured. In my case, I was taken, and my sister stayed in the care of my adopted family.

Many people won’t ever understand the pain of losing a sibling who is still alive and I won’t wish this pain upon anyone. I thought that eventually the pain would go away but it has never gone away I’ve just learned to live with it.

Every child deserves to be loved and cared for no matter what the situation is. I hope that one day I will be able to connect with my sister. Hold your loved ones close and don’t ever leave an argument with anything but an I love you and a hug. You never know when it’s gonna be the last time you see each other.

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